Chapter 8
(Part V)
Then there was the magic:
I figured that Magic had to be true after what I’d seen with the tables. Not the Illusionist types of magic that most of our Magicians perform, but the type that was spoken of in fantasy,
myths and legends. The stuff the peaked our curiosity, but that we thought was not possible or real. I figured that if all I had to do was believe to do this magic, then I would do it
well…and I did.
Over the next couple of years I moved and raised anything I could. If I laid my hands on it, I could make it move. I went past raising a table up on one leg to levitating them
entirely…effortlessly. Moving a car horizontally, shaking a big rock, testing limitations. One of the things I got hooked on was feeling things, living things like trees and the ground,
and feeling the wind.
At first I wanted to show everyone I knew, but very quickly that changed. All of my professor buddies at UTA didn’t believe me when I told them and weren’t interested in seeing. Most
of my friends thought it was bunk or laughed when I told them and didn’t want to see it, refusing to believe immediately. But then there were the few who were just curious enough to
want to see, and when they did…they were so scared by it that they shied away from me. On friend in particular was Cary. He was a real skeptic, but wanted to see something so we
took him in our apartment and he demanded to set the whole thing up as to not be fooled. When he was ready we all went n and when the night was done Cary left…just a little
confused and messed up. He and a friend that participated had done some Mescaline that evening, and while he had never hallucinated on it before, left wondering if he had this
particular night.
About 3:00AM that same morning or even later I wake up with Cary standing over my bed peering at me with tears in his eyes asking me if it had all really happened, and if so…was I
the Devil.
I assured him that I was not in fact the Devil and that it all had indeed happened. His last words as he left my bedroom were “this stuff can’t happen. Tables can’t float and cars can’t
be pulled sideways with one hand on the side panel” he stated as he backed out the door.
After that I didn’t talk about the Magic to anyone. I just continued to move everything I could lay my hands on and to feel everything I had the opportunity to. The more I used it the
better I got.
I could lay my hand on a coffee table and without any concentration lift my hand and the table came to. No effort. It was simply a part of my hand. And I was convinced…it was all
about belief. If I believed strongly enough in anything, it became possible…simply because I believed.
One evening I went by my sister Rita’s house and she and her husband Phil had me sit down with them at their kitchen table. They told me that they had heard that I was messing
around with the occult and that they were very concerned for me. That blew me away. I asked them where in the world they had heard such a thing. Assuring them that I was not
involved with the occult in any way.
It seems that Cary’s mother had talked to Rita and told her how upset her son Cary had been over his experience a few weeks before.
Rita and Phil lived in the house I grew up in at 805 Highland Dr. in Arlington, and Cary’s parents lived about a block away and like Rita and Phil, Cary’s mother was a Christian.
I tried to explain to Rita and Phil that what I was doing was not into anything involving the occult. I informed them that what I was doing was simply using more of my mind than most
people. I explained that it was simply science and in a way it was similar to the Christian beliefs.
I explained that my philosophy was that thru true belief, anything was possible. I tried to explain to them that I believed that If I believed strongly enough in something, that thing
would become possible simply because I believed it to be possible. I said that I believed that the stronger ones belief the more real those beliefs became. It was a compounding
factor. “Plus” I told them, “I prayed the first couple of times that I did this stuff that if it was evil, the Lord wouldn’t let it happen, and it always happened…so it’s obviously OK…not
some type of occult thing”, but Rita and Phil simply didn’t understand.
Phil laughed at what I told them and shook his head. The he and Rita proceeded to tell me how they believed that there were powers that existed in the world, but that they only
came from two places. They said that all power was given by God , but that some power was given through Satan. I laughed and assured them that what I was doing was tapping in
to the natural powers and energy that existed in all things (how do you spell Pantheism). What I was doing was natural and anyone could do it if they could train their minds to open
up…if they would only believe.
Well…Phil tells me that I could do any magic in their house because it was a house of God and He would not allow it to happen in any home that He resided in and guaranteed me
that if they prayed, I would not be able to perform any works of this power I spoke of. I knew that I could. I had grown strong over the past year and could use the power any time I
wanted, so I told ita and Phil that I would show them they were wrong. Phil asked me to let them pray first and they preyed that the Lord would continue to keep their home clean and
would not allow any powers to express themselves in their home that were not of Him. So I laid my hands on the table.
Usually when I laid my hands on anything, I would immediately get a feeling in my hands a small vibration…like feeling something hum. Then when I moved my hand it moved too.
Heavy thing moved less easily, but I always felt that that was a restriction that was in my mind still waiting to be overcome.
This time however, there was no feeling. There was nothing.
I closed my eyes to concentrate, but could only think about how the feeling was gone. I squeezed my eyes closed even harder. I lifted my hands from the table…and…nothing.
Nothing happened at all. I couldn’t understand what was going on.
Rita proceeded to tell me how Satan deceived people into believing in thing other than God and told me a lot of other stuff that went in one ear and out the other. I could only dwell
on the fact that I was unable to summon the power. I thought of how Samson (one of the biblical Judges) must have felt when he awoke and had lost his power. I don’t remember
much more about that night. I don’t even remember leaving their house. I do remember driving home a little upset, wondering why I had failed. How and why, I had let my mind
wonder.
After that night I concentrated on the magic/power at all times when I was alone. And I grew stronger. Promising myself that I would never again put myself in a position where I would
not have the power.
I became possessed by the thought of not having the power. So I worked that much harder to study the beliefs of others who knew about it. I read all kinds of books. I studied the
Hindu’s, the Buddhists, American Indian writings and some of the beliefs from Central and South American native cultures.
I did lots of Datura using my extracted mixes and used Heavenly Blue Morning Glory, and several different plants of the Nightshade family. I tried all of the Belladonna Alkaloids,
always trying to find something that would take me to the next step of the power…of the Magic.
These were the days when I would try some new drug and be totally out of touch with reality for days at a time…my mind gone on long journeys to places far from this world. so far,
that the thoughts of manipulating my mind for greater power were lost in a whirlpool of alternate realities. My goal became fruitless.
I had withdrawn from everyone and my friends probably thought I was a lunatic as I would phase in and out of this world.
When I was in this world, I was doing some kind of synthetic chemical and practicing Magic. Every moment of my days seemed to be an hour or two short of what I needed.
I had come to believe that I could stop someone’s heart by laying my hand on their chest and telling it to stop. I truly believed that I could do this and I got a little cocky about it. I
remember getting real attitude with a couple of people during a dope deal. They probably thought I was nuts. I wasn’t physically big enough to scare anybody, but with the attitude of
having power I made anyone unsure enough that they never pushed back. With the belief that I could stop someone’s life with a thought and a touch, I became arrogant and
insensitive to everyone except a few. Ronnie and I shared an apartment at the time, but I don’t recall much about him during those days.
Then one day I was driving north bound on Collins St. in Arlington and had to stop at the Abrams St. red light. I had just come off of a Datura high and was really hung over. As I
stopped at the red light I had what some might call a vision, but I see no reason why the Lord would choose to give someone like myself at that time, a vision. I would imagine it was
probably just another voyage on the good ship Datura. Whatever the case it happened something like this;
As I pulled up to the red light I blinked and I was in a place of all white. It was empty as far as I could see, and there was a sound all about me. It was a hollow sound like the sound
that comes when listening to a seashell.
I looked down and noticed that there was a floor of some type that appeared to be a white stone of some type, but looking forward and to the sides I could make out no walls or an
end to the expanse. The floor seem to fade into infinity. Then I looked and noticed that I was sitting in a white stone chair that seemed to be made of the same substance as the
floor. It was a square chair with square corners at all points. I looked upward and saw no ceiling, only the white that seemed to go on forever. I looked to my left and right beside me
stood another chair just like mine but twice as large and on the other side of the large chair was another chair identical to mine. I realized I was in some kind of great Throne Room.
I sat in my chair looking out into the expanse and thought to myself “I have power because I believe that I have power. All of my power is based on my belief, therefore if I truly
believe that I am the most powerful of all men, then I am…simply because I believe I am. My belief creates and sustains my power. If I believe that I am all powerful, then I am…simply
because I believe I am.
And if I am truly all-powerful, then nothing can survive me lest I choose for it to, for if I am all powerful, then I can manipulate all things around me, people, weather, time, and even
the universe!
And if I can control all things and I am all powerful, and I can control life and death…then why am I sitting in this small chair at the right side and not sitting in the throne to my
left…and just as quickly as I had first blinked I swooshed backward as if flying backward through time…back into the seat of my van, in a flash…just as the light turned green.
I sat there for a moment through the green light until someone behind me honked and woke me into motion. I drove off wondering what had just happened. All kinds of thoughts kept
rushing through my mind. Rita’s and Phil’s prayers and their statements of where power came from, the meaning of the white Throne Room and many other thoughts and questions
of God kept running through my mind like squirrels on a new found tree.
For the next couple of weeks I had weird dreams every time I slept, although I had not done any drugs other than smoking Weed. They were always disturbing dreams that I could
not remember.
Then one night in particular, I had a dream that I was in a dark house in the country somewhere. I was dreaming that something evil was trying to get to a friend of mine in the bed
beside mine.
I woke to find some large red humanlike creature on top of him. When I sat up it heard me and turned to look at me and I was frozen in terror. I tried to scream, but couldn’t, and I
could not move. I closed my eyes and tried to scream again, to no avail, and when I opened my eyes again, I was awake and sitting up sweating in my small bed.
The room I was in was only lit by a small fire in a fireplace across the room. I looked around and noticed that I was in a stone cottage type house with wood floors and to my right was
another small bed like mine, and in it was Wade. Wade was lying on top of his covers in his underwear with three large v-shaped gashes about eight inches long by two inches wide
and maybe two inches deep, cut out of his shoulder blades, and he was dead. I didn’t touch him, but I could feel that he was not alive. I looked around the room in panic and heard a
noise in another part of the house. I was terrified and wanted to run, but I couldn’t. Somehow I rose out of my bed and put on my pants. Then I heard the noise again. It was a
rustling noise. The sound of something large moving about in a small area, and while I could not see it, I could feel it and it terrified me. I could sense its presence and I could sense
its evil. Somehow I was forced to go towards it to find the thing that terrified me the most I followed it’s sound to another room in the back of the house and when I entered the room I
found it vacant except for a closet with bifold doors that were closed. I knew whatever it was, was in the closet and even though I could not see it physically, I knew what it looked like.
It was large and humanlike, maybe seven foot tall and red. It was muscled up and had a large head with large curled horns that wound up tight to its head. And each of its hands it
had three large claws. It sat inside the closet waiting for me to open the door, but I couldn’t, I was too afraid to move. Then I woke up, but this time I was really awake, not dreaming
inside a dream.
After that night I tried the Magic only few other times over the next few months, and each time I tried it, it either wouldn’t come or it had an adverse effect on me. No longer did it make
me feel strong and powerful, but instead made me feel dirty and left me feeling quite unsettled.
I remember one day thinking that if all of what I had seen and done was real and not of God, what must the things of God be like?
I know… through my experiences and no one else’s, that all power truly comes from but one place, and that is the one true God of all creation, and He has given a little power to
Satan to rule for a short while.
And Satan’s goal is to corrupt every god and pure thing of God.
C. S. Lewis said in one of his books call “The Screwtape Letters” that "Satan's greatest trick was convincing man that he didn't exist."